The predictable reaction to change is discomfort. Why?
How do we “recalculate” and see change as adventure?
Unlike a GPS, we don’t easily “recalculate” when something takes us off track. We don’t just pull up a map in our heads and objectively look at alternate routes. Instead, we typically react emotionally, grieving consistency or comfort or security tied to a job. That’s because one of the first things we do in the face of change is look at what we are losing. And that’s okay.
Life may be a journey, but it’s not a walk in the park. Sometimes we find ourselves on long uphill tracks; other times we slip in the mud. What we do can feel like a leap of faith one day and being pushed off a cliff another day.
Yes the “life is a journey” analogy is overused. Bear with me. I was at a conference a few weeks back where one of the speakers suggested we develop a list of achievements to refer to whenever we needed confidence to make a pitch, step in front of an audience or just state an opinion.
Just so you’re forewarned…I don’t usually do well at following directions.
I decided to map both achievements and failures, with highs and lows charted above a baseline of comfort. Here’s a piece of that map.
I haven’t finished the exercise…it would take way too long, but just starting it taught me something valuable: my life is pretty good overall. I’ve had a ton of adventure and excitement and growth — and ALMOST ALL of it was due to changes. Whether these events in my life were due to decisions I actively made, passive choices I allowed others to make for me, or traumatic events thrust on me, each one of them created change in my life.
The above or below the line correlation on my life map was my most interesting self-discovery. I thought back on my reactions and realized that when I was able to accept and explore the concept of “possibility”, I eventually grew and viewed the outcome as positive. That pattern happened even when I started out lost and hurt. Those positive results primarily came by giving myself permission to wander in a fog for a while until I figured out what I wanted to do next.
The best “AHAH” however, came from charting some of my falls and tumbles down those proverbial slippery slopes. Know what I realized? Most of the worst times were when I fought change. For example: I wasn’t prepared to admit I’d made a mistake choosing my degree (which would mean starting over with my education), so I charged head first in…and wondered why that part of my life was such a headache. Then there was the time I decided I could take a shortcut because I didn’t have time to properly prepare for a career move. I now liken it to deciding to cross a river over a slippery long instead of taking the path down to the bridge. Risky. But I did it! Which meant the next time around I did even less planning and took even more risks. You can probably guess what happened. I fell in over my head and totally embarrassed myself.
Did I have to make those mistakes to learn? Probably, because I have that kind of personality. The point here isn’t the mistakes I made…although my path changed every time I made a mistake, big or little. My point is that change is what caused me to grow.
I recognized the correlation between accepting change and moving ahead vs. rejecting it and becoming frustrated and depressed.
I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t reject bad ideas, poor choices or changes that don’t align with your personal values and ambitions. I am saying you can’t outright reject change. You have the choice to look at change as huge barrier in your path to some unknown future, or embrace it as an experience that is happening RIGHT NOW. And that right now you have the possibility for adventure. Right now you can decide to take advantage of what’s happening to learn and grow.
Moving with change doesn’t make you a tumbleweed. A tree has roots, but each season it changes colors, meets whatever the climate is throwing at it, and continues to grow. Sometimes it has to bend to wind, get trimmed out of the way of danger, or lose a branch to a storm.
The one thing you know for sure: if there was no change in its appearance, that tree would be dead.
