It’s Time to Put Holes in Walls

“My parents unintentionally taught me NOT to finish things.” I’m not blaming my parents. I’m just stating a fact.

The line jumped out from my journal the other day, followed by a cascade of insights into why my life has been an endless series of starts and stops. And it comes done to not wanting to commit to putting a nail in a wall…

See, I was probably in my teens before I realized all the walls in other people’s houses were painted. We grew up in a small house in a small town just outside of Calgary. As the number of kids increased, my folks added on to the house, doing most of the work by themselves. Eight girls, limited money and Dad’s much-needed overtime hours meant renovations were a constant in our lives. Mom spent every spare moment obsessively cleaning, cooking and sewing, trying to create order.

Despite my parents’ heroic efforts, it seemed there was always a wall or two spotted with drywall mud. When those walls were finally sanded smooth and painted without a single streak, they were treated like a work of art. Hanging a picture took months of negotiation and weighing options. Heaven forbid we’d make a mistake and put a hole in the wall that would have to be repaired!

Don’t Make a Mistake

Strange to think that something as simple as hanging a picture could create a fear that penetrated my mindset and prevented me from doing the things I dreamed of. But it did.

I constantly worried about hanging art as I moved. Should I put a hole in that wall? Should I hang it where there’s already a nail? I wonder if I could just use a tack? It’s a smaller hole and easier to fix. I loved when style trends allowed us to just lean art against the wall – although I could never commit to hanging shelves for that purpose.

I was taught that anything anyone did left a permanent mark. To me, putting a hole in the wall symbolized a lot more than hanging something up – it was a commitment. A wall color was going to be that wall color forever…we seldom had the time or the money to paint, so making the commitment to a color meant we would live with the result, whether we liked it or not, for a long time.

Fear of Commitment

That fear of commitment caused chaos when I was choosing a career path. I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what I wanted to do, what education I’d need, what experience would help with getting hired, what companies would be the best to work for… because a career is permanent. Right?

At one time, maybe. These days a single career isn’t the norm. Neither is living in one or two places over your lifespan. Or homeownership. Or job security. Or business longevity. Entrepreneurship. Marriage. Parenthood. Health. None of these things are guaranteed to happen, or to last. There is no perfect answer.

When we wait for perfection, we never hang our art or display our gifts. We may never truly enjoy ourselves as we rush through the obligations of days and years. Heck, we may avoid decisions. Think about it: if we don’t choose a paint color, we never have to paint the wall, and therefore we don’t need to decide where to hang a picture!

Perfection is Procrastination

I’ve spent my life in the pursuit of perfection. It’s part of my upbringing. Who I am. Or at least, who I thought I was. I value doing something well. At the same time, perfectionism doesn’t bring me joy.

If I’m honest, it’s a form of procrastination. The pursuit of perfection gives me permission to hold back. To hide my talents and potential because I’m not perfect enough at any one thing.

My last birthday changed my perspective. I realized that holding back actually prevents me from doing things I would love to do. I’ve spent too much of my life doing what I felt I SHOULD do, instead of doing what I WANTED to do.

I’m getting too old for that crap. It’s time to commit to imperfection and action. To sharing my passions and dreams and gifts.

It’s time to put holes in walls.